Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
