What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
