I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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