I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
