Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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