I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
