i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
