Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
