hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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