Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
