Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
