Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
