I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
