Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
