So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
