Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
