I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
