Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
