I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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