Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
