Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
