She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
