omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Randomize
