I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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