You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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