Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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