I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
