That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
