Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
