Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
