she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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