I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
