Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
