Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
