I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
