We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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