in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
