the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
