You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
