So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
