i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I enjoy the company of your penis
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
