i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
