if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
