You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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