genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
