Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
