I hope mine doesn't look like that
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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