do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
