Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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