Sry I called you an 8
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
