Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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