I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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