I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
