She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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