So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
