i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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