now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
